Toronto Mayor Robocalls Aces Opponents

The following is an actual transcript of a "robo-call" placed on behalf of local hockey team the Black Aces by Toronto Mayor Rob Ford. 

"The fuck are you lookin at?"

"Hello. This is your mayor, Rob Ford. I just would like to say that if any of you players on the Battlers, Warriors or Wyse Guys are thinking of taking a run at the COTHL cup this year, well, let's just say I wouldn't do that if I were you. 

"You think just because I'm the mayor of this town that I have to spend all my time doing mayor shit? Think again, assholes. I got plenty of downtime now that I decided not to coach football any more, and you know what? I'm with the Aces now. So look the fuck out because those guys are gonna kick your asses again this year.

"Summa you jerkoffs might think that last year was some kind of fluke, that the Aces just put together some lucky wins at the end of the season. Wrong, dumbfucks. All that 'losing a bunch of games in a row' shit was like, totally planned. Just like I planned to get the Feds to cough up all that dough for a Scarborough subway, which is TOTALLY going to happen no matter what the commies on city council think.

"The Aces were playing you for losers last year, and you fell for it. But this year they don't have to because they got me as their coach. So get ready to lose, bitches, cuz - what? I'm just makin' a phonecall, Doug, leave me alone! Naw, I'm jus' callin' someone. Jeez. Anyway, where was I? Oh right, the Aces are going to win EVERY GAME this year with me behind the bench and you lefty bastards had better - what now? No, Doug I don't know where your hash is! Ow! Quit hitting me, I didn't take it! That's it, I'm telling mom you sonofa - ...

"This has been a paid political announcement from the Rob Ford for permanent mayor coalition. God bless Ford Nation."

Players from the non-Aces teams in the COTHL have yet to comment. 

In actual hockey news, the Aces did in fact pull off a win in their most recent game. After jumping out to a 4-1 lead on goals by Rich (2) Mark and Paul (1 each) the blackshirts took their foot off the gas just enough to let the Battlers back in the game. Some timely saves from keeper Kevin kept the game in the win column for the Aces, as they hung for a 4-3 victory and extended their undefeated string. That's now 8 games in a row without a loss, going back to last year.